In the past months the phrase, "This is killing me" has been uttered, whispered, cried, and prayed more times than I could count. And the stress and burden of life unexpected is killing me. I wish I could blog about the unwavering faith I walk in but I cannot. My normal is like a crazy roller-coaster ride. I am up, down, twisted, fast, slow, jerky, and at times a stand still. While other days I am peace filled, joyful, and filled with faith. My husband looks at me like I have two heads andI may be straight up crazy. He can't keep up with this wild ride; neither can I.
Today in my devotions God lead me to a passage of scripture He impressed on me back in April of '08'. Psalms 66:8-12 "Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of praise be heard; he has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance."
The first time the Lord lead me to this passage my son was fighting for his life, battling a heart disease that was besting our family physically, financially, emotionally, and professionally. Today I am walking a very different refinement. But it hurts none the less. This scripture reminds me that God is with me. And there is a purpose in the burden, the sense of prison or entrapment, the fire and even the water. I will not be overtaken; just broken where healing is inevitable. Wholeness WILL be the fruit of the pain.
I had lunch with a new friend and we talked about fragrance. I am a lover of essential oils, I love the natural smells and benefits that come from these earth derived oils. But lets face it fragrance is not always a good thing. Some smells are so bad we gag. If you study the old testament you will see how often worship was accompanied by a burnt offering, a fragrance unto the Lord. I KNOW what is in my heart, what this woman is capable of. And sometimes when this heart is squeezed it's not always a beautiful smell. This passage of scripture encourages me that even though my heart is being squeezed, it's for a reason. God is killing the parts of my heart that are not a pleasing aroma when squeezed. He is killing the prideful places within that are death to my spirit. He is refining the impurities out so that the pureness of Him can be brought forth. O, I want this season to be at a close. Every part of my being pleads with God for the end. But, not a moment before I am ALL God intended me to be.
Create in me a clean, clean heart.
Life is Beautiful!