What happens when you and I are asked to step out in faith; but we can't see hope or reason in the journey?
Will I go if the journey is long and painful? How will I respond if I get to where God is leading and things aren't the way I thought they would be? Will I continue on in faith if my expectations are not met?
This is the season my life is in. It is stripping all of me. I am left with a very clear view of the weaknesses residing within me. I'm not sure I like what I see. This being said, I am a follower of Jesus and have been for more than 20 years. How can I be so weak after so many years?
Let me share with you the desires of my heart, I want to intimately know God in such a way that I will be willing to risk all I know, all I am comfortable with, to step into the unknown. My desire is to pursue God in this way, no matter what it costs me or where it takes me. This was the way Abram lived his life, and it changed the course of history. In Genesis 12:1-9 Abram is 75 years old, a wealthy man, living in the place of his inheritance. When God comes on the scene and asks him to give it all up for a promise he can't see and can't imagine. He is to walk away from it all for a promise that is unseen. God's promise offered a lot, but the cost was significant. Stepping out in faith Abram packs up his family, animals, and servants and heads out as the Lord directed him. He gets to the place of destination, Canaan, only to find out he can't stay there because the Canaanites were in the land. God speaks to him again, explaining that this land will be for his descendants.
So this is the point in the process I begin to struggle. The stepping out in faith and obedience are not the place of struggle in my life. I have lived that way for years. It is when I go, and I have unmet expectations; this is where the struggle begins to shake the core of my heart. The Bible tells us Abram built an altar in faith and worship claiming of the land for his descendants. I am not there yet. I still tend to freak out. Worship is not my natural response. Doubt, fear, frustration, anger, those are the feelings and emotions that arise. My heart is so deceitful. I long for a heart of immovable faith. A woman of peace in all circumstances. I am not there, yet. But God has me enrolled in the school of hard knocks and He won't let me drop out. I will graduate one of these years.
Life is Beautiful!