I have "evil" desires!

by Gina Franklin

This morning during my devotions and personal study time, I was reading Lysa Terkeurst's book, Unglued. In chapter seven of this book Lysa starts of with a truly hilarious story from her life. Which leads into the very real, and very emotional response she had to the situation at hand. While I am not going to tell you the story, you really should go buy the book and read it for yourself, you won't regret it. I am going to quote what she writes after the story.

"Yuck, Oh, how corrupt motives can really make me come unglued. By motives, I mean my desires-the feelings that drive me to act, react, and live the way, I live. Mostly I am a good person with good motives, but not always. Not when I want life to be a little more about me or about making sure I look good. That's when my motives become corrupted. The Bible is pretty blunt in naming the real issue here: evil desires.

Yikes. I don't like that term at all. And it seems a bit severe for what I am dealing with, doesn't it? But in the depths of my heart i know the truth. Avoiding reality never changes reality. Sigh....

So upon the table I now place my honesty: I have evil desires.

Maybe not the kind that will land me on some sort of 48 hours mystery episode, but the kind that pull me away from being the kind of woman I want to be. One with a calm spirit and divine nature. I want it to be evident that I know Jesus, love Jesus, and spend time with Jesus each day. So why do other things bubble to the surface when my life gets stressful and my relationships get strained? Things like...

Selfishness: I want things my way.

Pride: I see things only from my vantage point.

Impatience: I rush things without proper consideration.

Anger: I let simmering frustrations erupt.

Bitterness: I swallow eruptions and let them fester.

It is easier to avoid these realities than to deal with them.  (Unglued, Lysa Terkeurst, chapter 7, pg102-103)

I find that too often in my life, and the lives of others; we tend to justify these responses or should I say reactions. Rather than call them what they are: Evil desires; we just make a justification and move on. I personally do not want to do that anymore. I want to be changed from the depths of who I am. I want to please God with all that I am, not just in words, or in the easy things; but in all times and in all situations. I realize that this will be a life long process for me, and for you if you choose to allow God to begin this process. But to excuse these behaviors and reactions will mean that we are doomed to repeat the ugly process over and over again. Our relationships will be filled with unnecessary hurt and pain; that could have been avoided. You do not have to live according to the lie, that it's just the way you are. You can be more than you have failed to be in the past. You can choose to be different than the generations before you have been. In Christ, we can and will be transformed, IF, we allow him to teach us. This is so exciting to think that the attitudes, reactions, and emotions that I am not happy with in my life; can and will be changed, through Christ.


Life is Beautiful!